Desire Is Essential to Real Connection
One of the greatest challenges I notice individuals struggle with in intimate relationship is inviting in desires that challenge the status quo of how the relationship was established in the first place.
“When we first got together, you didn’t desire “X”, but five years into our relationship, now you want “X”, and not only do I not feel comfortable with that desire, but I feel it threatens the foundation of our relationship.
That can be a terrifying response for a person in relationship to receive from a partner, and if not addressed consciously, can easily instill deep guilt, self-judgment, and resentment for the fact that the desire exists in the first place.
Please. Again, please. Do not do yourself this disservice, and keep reading.
This happens all the time. We get into relationship, we grow, and through our growth, we connect with desires that we previously did not know exist.
Contrary to what it may feel like in the moment, this is actually a GOOD thing. Any new desire that emerges for an individual in partnership is an opportunity for both parties to create a new depth of intimacy and connect through the mutual exploration of that desire.
The catch is, we are brought in a society that stigmatizes desire (especially in the realm of sex and intimacy) and conditions to embrace a very singular form of what relationship is “supposed” to look like.
If two individuals are willing to create a safe space to explore emergent desires within the relationship as they arise, it creates an opportunity for the couple to realize things about themselves that they didn’t previously know existed, any embrace the connection with each other as a powerful anchor for personal discovery and transformation.
This is what I perceive to be the new paradigm of relationship. One where the end goal isn’t necessarily the white picket fence, the kids and the dog (though if that’s what you sincerely desire, that may it be so)…
…but instead embracing relationship as a path to self-discovery, liberation, and fulfillment that could not have been discovered in isolation.
It is not an easy path, but is one that holds more reward, more depth, more pleasure, and more magic than I have experience anywhere else.