There are multiple layers to self-inquiry that women are being asked to engage in through the #metoo movement.
Many are speaking up about the times where we have been violated by men, and the impact that has had on us as women, and as human beings.
And beneath this initial acknowledgment, begs a deeper questioning of where we as women have violated ourselves.
I have been taking inventory of the many times in my life where I have violated and abandoned myself by saying “Yes” when I’ve actually meant “No”. The many times I have felt my body telling me one thing, but heard my mouth speaking the opposite.
Where have I been unwilling to feel and assert my personal boundaries for fear of losing an idea of love that exists outside of me?
If we stop at simply acknowledging that we have been violated, it is all too simple to become trapped in the place of feeling like a victim who has been perpetrated by another.
This personal inventory is essential, because like attracts like, and if I am engaging in conscious or unconscious patterns that send out an energetic frequency of being a victim or being one who self-abandons, I will inevitably attract in energies (held by people) that will consciously or unconsciously violate us or see me as a victim.
This is beyond a conversation of blame and right and wrong, because most of the people embodying a “victim” energy and archetype don’t even realize we are doing it.
Some signs of carrying an unconscious “victim” trait or identity include:
1) Engaging in relationship with men with an conscious/unconscious desire to be saved from our life circumstances, uncertainty, or struggles.
2) Believing that anyone has the power to “do” anything to us without our permission (short of being physically forced or restrained).
3) Tending to lose connection to our own identity, passion or purpose when engaging in a romantic relationship with a man.
4) Perceiving men as “the enemy” or at fault for world’s problems.
These examples and words are not meant to instill blame or shame. In fact, it is the exact opposite. There is enough blame and shame in our culture to fuel isolation, racism, sexism and war for centuries to come.
It’s time to move away from that, and look at the places where each of us are being asked to take responsibility for the role we play in creating our reality and the experiences that we attract into our lives.
It is a delicate, tender, and nuanced process that requires an artful combinations of compassion, curiosity, and devotion to individual sovereignty and collective unity.
I am devoted the practice of constantly reflecting on the places where I give my power away without being asked or forced to, because I know that no one can violate me if I became aware and compassionate of the places within myself where I invite or attract violation.
We are ALL perpetrators. We are all victims. We have ALL committed acts of violence and violation and contributed to this mess we find ourselves in.
And in order for us to truly address and heal the wound, we must be willing to become aware of the places where we ourselves inflict the poison.