Sometimes Love Means Saying “No”

It is always possible to love. We just need to redefine what love means.

I can love someone, even if I don’t like them.
I can love some one, even if I feel attacked by them.
I can love someone, even if I have no idea who they are.

Love is a willingness to acknowledge that we are all human, all facing our own challenges, fears, and conditionings to the best of our abilities…

…and even if we do not agree with this person’s way of navigating the challenges of life, we can still hold in our heart that this person is our kin, and that ultimately the only way out of these challenging times we find ourselves in is through love.

To love someone does not mean that we need to save them, or tolerate being treated in ways that have us feel disrespected or unseen.

In fact, love can often mean setting clear boundaries that create a container for how you are willing to receive connection from a person so that you can truly love them.

Sometimes love means space.

Sometimes love means saying the hard thing.

Sometimes love means saying no.

And sometimes people won’t understand, and instead will be governed by previous conditionings of what they were told love is — which is often just a form of control rooted in fear.

To love, we must be willing to stand for our hearts, and know that the ability to love any other being begins with loving ourself.

And if we sacrifice our needs and safety in order to satisfy a hungry ghost who keeps asking for a cup to be filled that has no bottom — that isn’t love, that is just self-abandonment rooted in fear of love being scarce or never having enough.

And you may be wondering…

But if I’m saying no, if I’m pulling away, if I’m open to receiving less than I was a yes to before, how can I know this is love, and not just avoidance?

My answer to you, is that you will feel it in your heart. You will feel the beautiful heartbreak and sweet mourning of letting go of conditionings that have held you prisoner for so long.

You will know it’s love because you are able to feel compassion for this person even if they are throwing venom at you.

You will know it’s love because you will feel a softness and tenderness if your being — a sweet and unique relaxation signifying that your soul is beginning to find it’s voice.

We are alive, we are here, and we are worthy of so much more than this system gives us permission for.

Give into your heart. It is calling to you to come home.

About the Author:

Arielle is an Intimacy Coach & Workshop Facilitator, with a passion for supporting visionaries and change-makers in crafting containers for their relationships that can grow evolve as they do. Her coaching and community workshops focus on creating empowered and heart-centered approaches to verbal and energetic communication that prioritize transparency of desires, boundaries, and edges for spiritual growth. Learn more about her work at

Photo Credit: Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

Spiritual Mentor & Sexual Embodiment Facilitator |