Practicing “Clean Love” In Our Erotic Relationships

A practice I’ve really been enjoying (and by “enjoying”, I mean melting in the alchemical fire of transformation) is how to be intentional in the way I share erotic energy with people.

What I mean by this, is how to open up into pleasurable erotic space with a person, honoring and loving each person for the gorgeous human they are, without creating stories about what the connection “means” that distorts the authentic truth of the relationship.

What do I mean by this in a nutshell?

The question of:

How do we deepen into erotic intimacy with a person, without projecting our fantasies, desires, belief systems, past experiences, and expectations on the person in a way that actually dishonors the person and the truth of the connection?

We all future trip in some way. We all have our own combination of desired futures and feared outcomes that can impact the way we perceive reality.

The challenge is, often what these things wind up doing, if we aren’t doing our work to clarify what is truth, versus what is illusion, is that we can wind up creating patterns in our relationships that squeeze the life force, mystery, and mutual honoring out of the connection.

This experience is SO easily heightened in our erotic connections, because when we open up the channel of sharing our s£xual energy with another person, it simultaneously opens up all of our wounding and experiences from the past.

Working with erotic energy has the potential to transform EVERYTHING in our life if we do it intentionally.

AND, it also has the potential to f*ck our sh*t up if we don’t come in with clear eyes, clear heart, doing our devotional work of staying in connection to the truth in every moment.

I’ve spent the better part of 10 years being in the dance of cultivating this awareness. Finding myself in some of the darkest places I’ve ever been in my life while in erotic connection with another being.

Getting so lost in delusion and addiction to an “idea of a relationship” that I’ve sacrificed core aspects of my inner knowing and personal safety because of my attachment to a story I was telling myself about what the relationship was.

Whoa. We think psychedelics create altered states of consciousness. Try opening up the portal of intimacy and erotic connection with another.

And it’s been a pattern that I’ve been in devotion to dismantling, because I’ve realized that when I bring hidden agendas or projections about what a relationship “should” be into a connection, I actually dishonor the person I’m in connection with.

The person goes from being a sovereign being and brother/sister on the path, to a projection of old wounding from the past or fantasy of the future, that in my opinion is a form of subtle violence rooted in mal-attunement and disconnection from the present moment.

I want to honor the truth. I want to honor the sovereign free will of every human being to be who they truly are, free of my subconscious attempts to manipulate or distort our connection in service to my Ego’s agenda of what we should “be”.

I want to love *cleanly*.

“Clean Love” is a phrase I’ve been working with a lot lately as a framework for relationship and s£xuality as a spiritual practice.

Clean love as a practice of honoring the sovereign free will of another human being by not allowing fear or scarcity-based lenses of reality have us ever-so-subtley exert any form of domination or control upon another.

We have enough of that going on in the world right now.

Know what I mean?

I truly believe that practicing “clean love” is a form of sacred activism that serves as an energetic blueprint and investment in the type of human connection we believe in, value, and support in this world.

Imagine what this world would look like if we all committed to doing the work of healing our past wounding and trauma in intimacy so that we can show in service to mutually supportive, pleasurable, liberated connection in our relationships?

Imagine if men and women are respectively devoted to taking ownership for our own distortions, distrusts, resentments, and fears of the opposite sex, so that we can show up with clean eyes in our relationships?

Imagine if we were so committed to staying present in the moment, so that we could truly be allies to each other in our healing and our opening, versus allowing our wounding to have us shut down and contract when our openness and curiosity is what needed most?

That’s the world I wanna play in.

That world sounds way more fun, way more pleasurable, way more connected, and way more sexy.


Arielle is a teacher of intimacy, sexuality, and embodied communication. She supports individuals, couples, and groups to align with, embody, express their deepest truths and desires, so they can experience more freedom, pleasure and genuine fuflillment in their lives and intimate relationships.

Arielle currently resides on the Big Island of Hawaii, offers her services through private in-person retreats, virtual one-on-one containers, and community offerings rooted in ritual and connection.

Learn more at

Spiritual Mentor & Sexual Embodiment Facilitator |