Physical Attraction Can Make Intimacy Tricky

Have you noticed that when it comes to dating and intimacy, we often give more trust and credibility to people we are physically attracted to than those we find to be “not our taste or preference”?

What sense does this make, really?

When I reflect on my experience of dating in the past, it’s been the men that I’ve been most physically attracted to that I have most given my power away to, because of the story I created about his desirability and resonance as a potential romantic partner.

Some odd belief system that goes something like this:

Because I find him physically attractive, he must have his shit figured out (more than me), and he must be an amazing romantic partner.

Whoa. Reality check.

My experience is that most of my past dating/relationship experience, especially in my early 20s, were unfulfilling at best or traumatic at worst, because I was basing my preferences off of toxic definitions of love.

I am seeing now, the places where I continue to subtly abdicate power, or as the exquisite Gillian Pothier named in a recent conversation we had, put myself on “the periphery” of the man’s experience, simply because I find him attractive, well spoken, or “out of my league”.

Why am I writing this?

Because this is an invitation for all of us to look at where we make assumptions about someone’s worthiness and ability to show up powerfully and lovingly in our lives, simply because we find them physically attractive.

We need to start digging layers deeper into why we find ourselves drawn to someone. Is it from a genuine feeling of connection and mutual ability to love and see each other, or from a place of outdated conditioning that may very well replicate past experiences of hurt and abandonment.

Tune into yourself. Is it your intuition or your conditioning running the show?

About the Writer

Arielle is an Intimacy Coach, Writer, Facilitator & Psychonaut. Her personal path has been that of self-discovery through the art of intimacy, relationship and sexuality. In her private coaching work, she helps people to create “evolving relationship containers” that support self-actualization and personal sovereignty. Listen to her perspective on empowered relating here. Email her at to learn more about private coaching.

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

Spiritual Mentor & Sexual Embodiment Facilitator |