On Love Letters and Insanity

It’s an interesting thing
what happens
when I start to breathe

When the walls
No longer feel
Like they are closing in on me

And I feel safe
Like I can wake up in the morning
And smile
Grateful to be alive
And excited for the day
I get to create

You’ve always been here
Under my skin
In such a way
That sometimes i forget
You are separate from me

Your love
Has been so obvious
So matter of fact
That my anxious mind
So frantic about claiming
My place in the world
Often forgot
To realize
This is special

We are special

It has been convenient
In the past
To minimize
What we have
Because of conditioning
I became familiar
with minimizing myself
And in so doing
I minimized you

I am sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

I can breathe now
My lungs fill up with air
My mind clears
As I trust
In the unfoldment
Of my life

And I see you

Thank you for letting me see you

Thank you
for letting me know you

Thank you
For being willing
To be the object
Of my frustration
As I wake up
To the realization
That we are perfect for each other

Not perfect
Like society
Or self-help books
May sell

But perfect
In a way
That blows my mind
And makes me
Want to go out
And save the world

After a session
Of pussy licking,
Cock worshipping,
And wild sex

I love you
Thank you
For teaching me
What love actually is

It’s not a label
Or a box
Or a performance
Or a white picket fence

It’s a choice
It’s a state
It’s a willingness
To dance
Within the container
Of each other’s insanity

Curious and committed
To the reality
We can weave
When we both feel
Fully met
By the other

I am asking myself now
What will it feel like
If I let go of the exit strategy

If I seal up the backdoor escape

(I know your dirty mind,
And that’s not the back door
I am talking about.

That door
Has your name on it).

The back door
I am speaking to
Is the one that has me ask

What if he is not the one
What if it all falls apart
What if we crash and burn

What if
What if
What if

I am tired of questioning

Tired of digging my feet
Into the sand
Worrying that my life
Will move too quickly
For me to control
if I surrender
To the fuck yes
Of what is
Right now

I am a yes
To you
To us

I am a yes
To the mess
To the magic

I am a yes
To the utter insanity
The total brilliance
And the sweet and surreal surrender

Of you and me.

Note: This poem was written in February 2018. While my relationship with this man has evolved into a new form (as my relationships always seem to do), the depth of love and gratitude I experience for him, and he for me, is profound. Cheers to the souls, willing to open their hearts, to this messy and utterly irrational thing we call Love.

About the Writer:

Arielle Brown is a teacher, coach, and writer on the topics of intimacy, relationship, sexuality and connection. Her professional work is a reflection of her devotion to her personal path of self-discovery in the realms of conscious relating and embodied sexuality. In her private coaching work, she helps people to create relationships that support self-actualization, fulfillment of desires, and personal sovereignty.

Learn more about APPETITE, her 6-Week Virtual Course for Women, beginning on August 15th, 2018 here: www.ariellebrown.com/appetite

Spiritual Mentor & Sexual Embodiment Facilitator | www.ariellebrown.com